Questions are the Answer?

by Teresa LynneOctober 15, 2014
We have all heard the old adage, "the only stupid question is the one unasked". WRONG. It's more like, "want a better answer, ask a better question". In the process of speaking with many clients and their families struggling with so called BPD, I have come to realize that questions are at the heart of a lot of pain and inertia. It’s pretty simple really and I see it at work and play in my own life. I was working with “Lisa” the other day and she asked me “why can’t I do anything right?” I pondered the question and the possible answers she might give herself instead of just saying “oh sweetie, there are so many things you do right”. Marinating in her negative story about herself, she wouldn’t have believed it anyway. [More]

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Anxiety | Dialectical Behavior Therapy | Life Coaching

So Happy to Find Out How Smart I Really Am. Seventy-Two hours of Validation.

by Teresa LynneOctober 08, 2014
I really struggled with the idea of attending the conference in San Antonio last month. I really wanted to become part of an integrative network so I could refer my clients to whole healing professionals but I was intimidated. After all, it MD’s training MD’s and PHD’s. I thought well, this will be way over MY head and I was right. It was, AND it was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself and my clients. The most incredible part was finding out there is a mysterious creature I did not know existed but was exhilarated to discover. It’s called an integrative psychiatrist. [More]

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Mental Health System

I Was a Victim.

by Teresa LynneSeptember 05, 2014
I recently (recently was last night) was engaged in a casual conversation that evolved into me trying to dig up dirt on my life to clean. That’s because I still have triggers that send me into spins, so I go on a mission to hunt them down and eliminate them like I am some kind of pest control employee. My energy psychologist and I continue to work on these. Turns out, not remembering felt better, at least in the moment.Some triggers are just little annoying german roaches like what infiltrated my house in the last two weeks. I tried to save money by getting those nice clean trays to lure them in but they used them for dance floors. The event that my mother was describing to me felt more like a den of rats. They don’t fit into the roach trays. Apparently, my father kidnapped me from school while I was in kindergarten because my mother was divorcing him. He called her, said he had me and that she would never see me again. She said she wasn’t sure that he meant he would kill me, so what a relief. [More]

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DBT | Dialectical Behavior Therapy | Family Support | humor | Mental Health System

FOMO: It Doesn't Have To Mean Fear of Missing Out

by Teresa LynneAugust 27, 2014
Last week I was listening to one of my daughter’s songs and one line of the lyrics really stood out, “No matter what choice I make, I know I’m gonna miss out on something”. She’s a wise young soul and I am constantly learning from her. How many choices do we make on a daily basis that are driven by the fear of missing out? When we have struggled with identity more intensely than the average person because of how our brains were wired (the peeps at the DSM call it BPD and I don’t trust those guys) we are constantly second guessing ourselves. [More]

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Showing up IS half the battle. Then There Is The Other Half

by Teresa LynneAugust 13, 2014
So, have you ever bought a book about healing and recovery or signed up for a class and felt instant relief at having just made that effort? Yeah, me too. Feels momentarily wonderful doesn’t it? Momentarily being the key word here.I have been in DBT skills classes with others and have been coaching DBT skills for a few years and I have noticed nothing new, and here it is. If YOU don’t work, IT doesn’t work. It can’t. Only you can. Here is something else not new. There are no shortcuts. There is only one way to get to a place where our emotions aren’t controlling us and to function in a way that we so long for, and that is through the fire by consistent practice. [More]

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BPD and Impulsivity. Instant Gratification on Steroids.

by Teresa LynneJuly 31, 2014
“The obsession with instant gratification blinds us from our long term potential" - Michael Dooley Where the rubber really meets the road is what actions we take to get the results we have. I my life, I have started out so many times with the best intentions that went wrong because of the impulsivity caused by having BPD (which I was unaware of until I was in my late 40's). It was awful because I blamed and shamed myself for having no discipline to follow through. [More]

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Anxiety | DBT | Family Support

Welcome Triggers! Come one Come All!

by Teresa LynneJune 27, 2014
One of my darling Facebook readers brought up the issue of something I posted having triggered them. I never think about trigger warnings and I do care about it a lot so I apologize to anyone who may be negatively affected by it, but I still won’t post trigger warnings, because I would have to do that for everything I say. Having said that, I would like you to consider the idea of re-framing triggers into something positive. A trigger is there to tell us that something is to be avoided or healed and they give us the opportunity to decide which one of those things is important using our wise mind. You know, the intersection between logic AND emotions. [More]

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Stop Passing That Pain Down. Heal It and Transform Future Generations Forever.

by Teresa LynneMay 31, 2014
Hey Ya'll! Meet my great, great, grandmother on my fathers side, Kesiah Parker. That's one of the more normal names in my ancestry. They have been in South Carolina for 16 generations.  I am so lucky to work with a  family member client who is a genealogist who graciously offered to do my family tree and it was a very eye opening experience.  I found this photo haunting because I know she came from a time in the deep south of the U.S. that saw the Civil War right in their own backyard.  She was a female in a time when females were treated like property with no rights and it was acceptable by law. The pain is in her eyes and I felt it deeply as I gazed at her.  As I came down the branches to my biological father, I thought of where he came from and I do know a lot of history. They were poor and well UNDER-educated. He had an alcoholic abusive father and a mother who did her best to raise 9 kids with almost nothing.  Let's just say that emotional needs were ... [More]

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Helpless Child, Critical Parent, Mature, Loving Adult. Who's Running Your Life?

by Teresa LynneMay 22, 2014
When I found the concept of so called Borderline Personality Disorder, it really made a lot of sense to me as I went down the list going yep, that's me, yes, I do that, check, check, check.  Still, there was a piece missing that haunted me and I just couldn't figure it out.   I was researching PTSD and found an article on something I had never heard of. Complex PTSD. All my years and dozens of visits to  highly educated psychiatrists and psychologists telling my story of chronic trauma and what I was dealing with and not one of them brought this up (or BPD).  Stunning. Side note: That's why when someone says you shouldn't self diagnose, my response is "why not?  I can read and I know myself a smidge better than someone who just spent 55 minutes with me conjuring up an opinion based on a manual to satisfy the bottom feeders at the insurance companies".  Not that I'm  cynical about the mental illness industry or the 30 plus years I spent trying to get h... [More]

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You Call Someone Needy Like You Aren't. The Art Of Complete Self-Unawareness

by Teresa LynneMay 12, 2014
I saw a post on Facebook the other day on a photograph of a high falutin' female gently tugging on her strand of pearls.  The caption read "I'm not needy, I'm wanty".  I had a chuckle over that as I began to ponder the use of the word needy usually, heck, always in a negative way.  You generally don't hear things like "she's so needy and I love that about her." or "his neediness makes me so hot for him".  No, no.  It's usually, "her neediness is sucking the life out of me" or "Jesus, I need 3 of me to deal with his constant needs".  That kind of thinking will cause the downfall of many relationships and not just romantic ones. Let's talk about needs because every single human alive has them.  If you read about Maslows hierarchy of needs they go from bottom to top in a pyramid  from the basic, physical needs of food, shelter, etc,  safety, loving and belonging, self-esteem and finally self-actualization.  Most of us reading this, were pr... [More]

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